they weren't kidding, our first night home.

everyone in the hospital told us to expect a rough first night. "everyone does" they said. boy they were right. we were discharged last night and it was by far the hardest night of my life! i feel like i do everything wrong and nothing is right. ashton is a great little baby when he isn't screaming lol :o).   it's really hard to do things around here with my incision (sleeping is horrible since it takes me forever to find a position and by the time i have, ashton is wanting/needing something). ashton must have felt my pain and slept 4hours this morning. i woke up freaking out since he skipped a meal but then figured if he had been hungry he would have woken up. so i am trying not to beat myself up about it. 

recovery is still pretty difficult. i had an allergic reaction to the tape they used and i have HUGE blisters all over my stomach. doctors said to let them pop naturally and they burn! but it seems to be getting better. breastfeeding is really HARD! i almost want to give up and throw in the towel. i am willing to keep going until i feel i have tried everything but boy it is REALLY hard!  i enjoy breastfeeding (minus my issues) so i hope it works out! david has been amazing. i honestly don't know how i would survive if i didn't have david. he is so great with ashton

emotionally wise, i feel like this will never get better. i know it is just an adjustment phase. we love ashton and even though i am sleep deprived and in a lot of pain, i LOVE looking into ashton's sweet blue eyes. he has been worth it all! i still can't believe he is ours! 


  1. anne -
    I have never commented on your blog before, but I saw some of your posts on thebump and I have been checking up the last few days since you had ashton...

    anyway, I'm finally commenting because of your comment that you feel like this stage will never end. I felt the SAME way when my son was born in september and I couldn't get enough of the comments from people assuring me that feeling that way was normal and that it would pass. so, here is my encouragement for you...

    my OB told me that day 10 is when things really start to turn around - your hormones will start to swing back up, your recovery will start to speed up, you will start to feel like you "know" your baby. basically, hold on! the best parts are coming. I personally didn't feel like "myself" until a month after, so don't beat yourself up if you are still feeling overwhelmed in a few weeks. time goes by pretty slowly in the beginning but then picks up pace rapidly after that.

    good luck!

  2. aw hunny, its ok to feel the way you do. and him missing a meal is ok. they eat when their hungry. and breasfeeding will take time, but i promise it gets easier. I had 3 boys that were all different anad wach time i felt like giving up, but i didnt and i am glad. and sleep when ashton sleeps. i always wanted to get things done like wash clothes or dishes, but i learned to sleep when the baby sleeps lol and you will get a little more too. good luck and keep in touch